i've been accepted to the schulich school (say that a couple times, it's fun) of music at mcgill university for winter 2007.you remember mcgill. i was accepted for fall 2005 and didn't go because there was this wedding i had to do, and then i was waitlisted this spring because my audition was mendelssohn-from-hell. thus thunk i, spectacular: benjamin can do his thing, i'll play in community orchestras and do local gigs, and the M.Mus. will wait until 2008. i'd planned to only take a year off, not three, but this could work.
then i got a call last week from a schulich admissions clerk: "hi gemma, you can come here in january if you want. you can even defer if january's not good. where should i send your acceptance package?"
i feel a little frozen--i'm being pulled, hard, in two opposing directions, and it's rendering me motionless. benjamin hasn't finished his degree yet; it wouldn't be fair to make him pull out to accomodate my obsession with a graduate degree that i may or may not put to good use. i have a fabulous job. getting into quebec to study is absurdly expensive. i'm not sure if benjamin would be allowed to work. i don't speak french.
on the other hand, it's mcgill. it's montreal. i love the city, i love the school, i love the practice rooms, i love the program (orchestral training), i love the campus. i'm not practicing hours a day; who knows if i'd even be able to get in again?
so at this point, if it occurs to you to pray, please do so. i don't know what god's telling us with this big present he dropped in our laps, and i don't know where he's taking us. trust is all well and good; what do you do when god points at you and says, "do something!"?
(interestingly, what frightens me isn't how benjamin and i will live once we've decided on whatever it is we're going to do. i know god cares for his people, etc. i'm frightened at what could happen to us, to our relationship--which is actually equally ridiculous, because *ahem* god cares for his people.)
in other news, i joined facebook, because i discovered almost everyone i know, including most of my family, is signed up. i'm lame that way.